Let's Talk About Friendships
Impossible to cultivate, aren’t they?
Friendships can be incredibly challenging to create and maintain as an adult. At 21 MAG, we understand the unique struggles that come with forming and maintaining these connections. That's why we've curated a variety of enriching pieces on different kinds of friendships, including opposite-sex friendships, navigating friendships in your 20s, and even maintaining friends while pregnant. Our mission is to help you build and sustain meaningful relationships throughout all stages of life.
From setting boundaries and extending grace to exploring intimate dynamics with friends, we cover it all. Below, you'll find snippets from some of our most insightful articles, each offering a unique perspective on the intricacies of friendship. For the full articles, follow the provided links and immerse yourself in the wisdom shared by women who have been there and lived it.
A Grown Woman’s Guide to Making and Keeping Friends
Everyone eventually learns that making friends as an adult can be hard as hell. As kids, we didn’t know how good we had it. Most of us didn’t have to put too much effort into making and keeping friends. It was so easy to do so at school because we were there five days a week, almost every week of the year, and of course, we were young, so there were no set expectations for our friendships.
However, in university and after, you have to be really intentional about making and keeping friends. We decided to ask women aged 30 and above how they met their closest friends and how they have maintained their friendships so far.
We used the information to create this guide for you. If you’re in your twenties and wondering how to make and keep friends, or if you’re 30 and above and still struggling with friendship, keep reading. Hopefully, this carefully curated guide helps!
How to Navigate Adult Friendships in Your Twenties
A lot of misconceptions about female friendships is that anything goes if the girl is ‘a true friend’. I beg to differ. Set clear boundaries on the things you will not accept in a friendship. In turn, respect the boundaries your friend has put in place. Communicating your boundaries clearly and assertively reduces feelings of resentment in friendships. It can be something as simple as your friend not allowing people to wear her shoes. Please don’t ask her, “What is so special about your leg, or is it not just a shoe?” Let it end there. It can be something a tad bit serious, like setting boundaries on how your friend treats your values or on how they should respect your time.
On setting and maintaining boundaries, we should learn to extend grace to our friends when they step out of line. It is not every time you must be scissors and cut off your friends for the simplest mistakes. I am actually judging girls who are ever ready to give their musty-ass disrespectful boyfriends a 77th-second chance but quick to cut off their friends for messing up one time.
Two Friends Answer Questions About Opposite-Sex Friendships, and It’s Quite Interesting
Have You Ever Thought About Dating Each Other?
Sandra: I’ve never dated someone I was friends with. That’s why boundaries exist. So, to answer your question, no, I’ve never thought about dating him. People tend to think we’re having sex on the low, but we aren’t. Our friendship is special to me, so bringing feelings or intimacy forward is just a risk I’m not willing to take.
Tola: I’d be lying if I said I haven’t because she’s an attractive woman. But we’re just friends, and I’m a hundred per cent fine with that.
Have You Ever Had a Fling (Anything From Kissing to Sex) With a Friend of the Opposite Sex?
Sandra: Yes, but I would say we were more like acquaintances than friends. It was unplanned and very unexpected, but it was also nice. He was very clear about not wanting a relationship, and I was glad because I felt the same way. We got together more than once, so at a point, I started to catch feelings but got over it real quick.
Tola: Yeah, I have.
Why Do You Think Guys Are Threatened By a Girl Having Male Friends and Vice Versa?
Sandra: I think men just project their insecurities. My ex and I always had issues about me having a close guy friend, and even though I tried many times to get him to see that he had nothing to worry about, he just could never accept it. Women, on the other hand, get jealous easily. At the end of the day, it depends on your relationship. Some partners can’t see past it, while others try to be understanding.
Tola: As a guy who has a lot of close girlfriends, I get it. I see firsthand how their boyfriends get paranoid whenever they say they are with me. Some, if not most, think we are sleeping together, while some don’t like the threat of it happening. It is very possible for a guy to have a strictly platonic friendship with a girl.
“I’m the First in My Friend Group to Get Pregnant, and Things Just Aren’t the Same”
When I found out I was pregnant, it was the scariest period of my life. I wasn’t even trying, and I had been on birth control for as long as I could remember, so I was scared and upset at the same time. I don’t want to paint it like it was a bad thing, but getting pregnant when you weren’t exactly planning on getting pregnant isn’t a fun experience at all.
My long-time boyfriend was very supportive and was ready to move forward with whatever I wanted to do. Well, that’s what he said, but I knew he was praying that I keep it, which I obviously decided to do. My two closest friends were also very supportive of whatever decision I chose to make, and I’m still very grateful that I had them both when I was so confused.
Obviously, I know getting pregnant and raising a child is no small feat. I knew my life and priorities were about to change, but I didn’t really expect it to happen so soon. My boyfriend, like I expect any man who’s about to have a child, is so paranoid about everything. He treats me like an egg (which I really do appreciate) but is beginning to be over the top. I guess that’s what created the distance between my friends and me.
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant and made the decision to keep it, my friends and I decided to go out for drinks. I wasn’t planning on drinking, truth be told (I planned on having maybe one drink). But before we could even go out, my boyfriend was already making it such a big deal, suggesting that I just stay home to rest instead because we sort of live together. I know it was coming from a place of love, but I had just found out I was pregnant, so I didn’t see the big deal in going out with my friends. It ended up being a big fight, and my friends ended up going out without me.
Not too long after that, I noticed a bit of distance between my friends and me. I’m not saying they weren’t checking on me or coming to see me sometimes, but for instance, there was a weekend when I opened Snapchat and saw they had gone out without me. I’m not some sensitive, whiny baby, so it’s not like I got mad at them for not inviting me, but it still really pained me that they didn’t even ask me. This has happened more than once now. I found out that they went out or had an outing without even asking or inviting me.
The worst thing is that it’s actually one of my biggest fears to lose my long-time friends just because I’m entering a different phase of my life. It bothers me, and I hate that my friends may feel like we aren’t the same people anymore.
I’ve Constantly Been Intimate With My Best Friend, and Our Friendship Just Isn’t the Same
Tell Me About Yourself and Your Friendship With Your Best Friend
I’m 24 years old, and I’m bisexual. I first came to terms with my sexuality when I was 19 years old and had my first sexual experience with a woman. Prior to that, I was sure I was straight because I had only been with guys, but being with a woman made me understand that I’m bisexual. I met my best friend two years later. We started off as Instagram friends but the more we spoke and hung out, the more our friendship became stronger. We’re inseparable, and although she has convinced herself that she is straight, I would like to believe otherwise.
Why Do You Think Otherwise?
At the beginning of last year, things started to get sexual between us. It first started off as a joke; we would playfully kiss each other on the cheek and then on the mouth, and then one day, we ended up having sex. After it happened, it got very awkward, but she is a very direct person, so she made us have a conversation about the situation, and we agreed not to dwell on it.
Have You Two Been Intimate Since Then?
Yes, we have. A lot of times after that. We usually have sex whenever she’s in a fight with whoever she’s seeing or whenever we both get high or drunk. It’s actually become such a normal thing between us now.
Hm. How Does That Make You Feel?
Sex with her is great, so I really can’t complain, but what really bothers me is how it has become such a regular thing between us. I feel like her friend, but I also feel like her sneaky link, if that makes sense. She always wants to have sex when she’s either in a bad place with one of her men or when she’s intoxicated. And whenever I try to speak with her about it, she changes the topic.
Ending a Friendship Hurts More Than a Breakup; Here’s Why
It almost feels surreal when you realize the friendship you shared with a close friend is over. With romantic relationships, you either marry the person or you breakup and go your separate ways, right? With friendships that seem genuine, it’s different. You expect it to last forever. No one actually expects to break up with the person that knows all their secrets.
When it comes down to ending a relationship with a partner, there’s usually a conversation that signals the official breakup. Although this also hurts, it brings forth some sort of closure, but when it comes to friendships, you never really know what to say because, truthfully, no one knows how to navigate the end of a friendship. At least not the way we know how to with romantic relationships.
Your Friends Are The People Who *Really* Know You
Friends are those people who have seen you at your absolute worst. They are the people you don’t form for because they have seen you be insecure, fragile, vulnerable, you name it. If the person who knows you the most in the world chooses to disassociate from you, it kind of takes a jab at your self-esteem. And if you’re the one who chose to end the friendship, you certainly had a reason to come to that decision, and still, it doesn’t make it less painful.
Who Do You Talk to Afterwards?
Break up with your partner? Cool. You know that no matter what, you can lean on your friends for support. Break up with a close friend? Who exactly do you talk to afterwards? Especially if this person was a core friend. It’s going to be hard opening up to just anyone because, let’s be honest, real friends are hard to come by.
What type of friendship content would you like to see from us? Let us know in the comments!
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