Today’s read is all about pleasure, sex and orgasms.
As a firm advocate for women getting what they want, this is dedicated to ensuring all women (who want it) get repetitive, mind-blowing orgasms. Below, we explore a curated list of sexual desires, sex positions, sex toy reviews, orgasms and a lot more.
Prepare to dive into a piece so intimate it could make you blush or cum. Hopefully, it’s the latter.
ps… maybe read this one alone xx
My first time was interesting. It wasn’t like what the world had led me to believe. It wasn’t flowers and roses and the most perfect thing ever to happen to me, but it wasn’t blindingly painful. It didn’t feel like I was being split in half. It was good but not great, lovely but not earth-shattering. It was an okay first time, and though society/Hollywood may make us think differently, I believe that is more than okay.
In such a conventional society like ours, there are so many misconceptions and misinformation about sex. Perhaps you’ve been curious about what sex would feel like for the first time? 21 is here to answer some of your questions and clarify some doubts.
We spoke to 5 Nigerian women about their first-time experiences and what they might have done differently.
Do You Know Your Sex Personality Type?
We’re familiar with attachment styles and love languages, but when it comes to our personalities during sex, there’s not much terminology beyond the basic “kinky” or “vanilla.” Well, until now.
Our motivations for engaging in sex vary, and each of us has a unique definition of what constitutes “good sex.”
Vanessa Marin, a sex therapist, has identified various sex “personality types” through her work with clients. Additionally, Jaiya, a somatic sexologist with over 30 years of experience, developed the Erotic Blueprint Type as a tool to provide a language for understanding our individual approaches to intimacy, connection, and sex.
Let’s delve into the various sex personality types and Erotic Blueprint.
Also,
Are people born in April kinkier than those born in November? Based off (majority) of our sexual experiences, here’s what your birth month says about your sex life.
Consensual sex is and will always be one of the truest forms of self-expression. Where else do you get to release your inner beast? Forget Extro, Intro, and Ambiverts. Everybody is a Sexivert. That’s why, here at 21, we can guess what kind of personality you have based on your go-to favourite sex position.
The 21 Guide to Having an Orgasm
Are we surprised that there’s really no research out there regarding women’s orgasms? Not at all. Neither were we surprised when we found out that only 18% of women can reach orgasm during penetrative sex alone.
For one, sexual education in Nigeria? We literally laughed out loud. Non-existent. And two, can Hollywood and the media in general stop lying to us about sex?
So yeah, if you’ve never had an orgasm, no pressure.
Although there are many different types of orgasms for women, advice on how to cum is pretty much the same, regardless of what type it is. And, of course, orgasms shouldn’t be the end goal of sex.
Let’s Talk About Positions…
An Orgasm a Day Keeps the Doctor Away: Four Sex Positions to Help You Reach the Big ‘O’
Did you know that there are over six types of female orgasms? They include vaginal, clitoral, cervical, blended, nipple, anal and more. Incredible, I know. There are so many ways to orgasm, and yet, it’s still hard for so many of us.
Did you also know that you can have two types of orgasms at once? Blended Orgasm is a clitoral and vaginal orgasm that happens at the same time. Yet, so many women find it hard to reach the big ‘O’ because sex as we know it is very male-centred. You deserve maximum pleasure, too!
There’s no direct way to reach an orgasm, but there are sex positions that can help.
“Come here”
Hollywood told us that partners orgasm at the exact same time, but most times, it doesn’t work that way. This technique can be used when your partner has cum, and you are yet to. Ask them to slip two fingers inside you, and while inside, ask them to curl the fingers towards your belly button as if to say to you, “Come here”. Fingering is not about aimlessly jabbing the vagina; curling their fingers helps stimulate the G Spot, which is located in the upper part of the vaginal canal.
We Rated 21 Popular (and Not-So-Popular) Sex Positions
For most people, after discovering how enjoyable sex can be and settling into their favourite positions, the next step is often a desire to explore. Questions like “What else can feel this good?”, “What can feel even better?” and “What can I try that’s a bit more adventurous?”, start to arise.
That’s where we come in.
Three curious members of the 21 team decided to delve into the world of sex positions, rounding up 21 of them to test. Whether you’re looking to spice things up or you’re simply curious about what’s out there, this list has something for everyone.
Scissoring (8.7/10)
Lie facing each other with one leg over the other’s leg, creating what pretty much looks like a scissoring motion. Grind against each other for mutual clitoral stimulation.
Dodos: Scissoring should be renamed The Abidoshaker. An orgasm-guaranteed sex position. They can never make me hate you. Bonus point? There’s a zero per cent chance of getting pregnant. What’s not to love? 10/10.
Zara: I haven’t tried this yet, so I don’t know. Based on what I’ve seen, I’ll go with a 6.
Aurayana: The first thing you feel is the warmth. It’s enough to let a groan slip past as you begin to grind and rock into it. Cumming from this position, fully enjoying the ecstasy that comes from the build-up of this mind-blowing position, cannot fully be put into words. 10/10.
Also,
Call us old-fashioned, but we made a sex bucket list! For the days when you’re feeling a lil’ adventurous and kinky, we want you to refer to this list. Whether it’s role-playing, trying different Kamasutra sex positions or using good ol’ Kegel balls, this is your go-to.
More importantly, remember always to practice safe sex. Especially if it’s random, spontaneous sex with a stranger or someone you don’t know or trust enough to have raw sex with.
What? It happens. It’s also summertime, and we’re in an economic crisis.
It’s Sex Toy O’clock!
9 Sex Toys Every Woman Should Own (and Have in Her Nightstand)
Masturbation can be the key to unlocking a world of wonder in your sex life, and what better way than to enlist help that’s specially designed for your pleasure? Sex toys are a great way to add diversity and fun to your routine and to switch up your sexual experience, partnered or solo. They can help simulate or mimic the sensation of partnered sex when you’re alone, or they can enhance partnered sex— teamwork really makes the dream work.
We’ve made a list of sex toys that you should consider if you’re looking to explore and incorporate something new into your sexy time routine. Make sure to buy toys made from body-safe materials from trusted vendors; please do not buy sex toys on Shein.
Bullet Vibrators:
Bullets are the most discreet sex toys; suitable for on-the-go use. They are ovular and small, and they pack a punch for their size. They come in fun shapes too, designed to hide their actual use. They may be egg or lipstick-shaped, and may also be remote-controlled for use with a partner.
One of the standout features of this vibrator is its long-lasting battery life. I was amazed at how much playtime I was able to get from a single charge! This allows for uninterrupted pleasure and eliminates the frustration of needing to recharge frequently. The waterproof design is also a game-changer – it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. The size makes it super discreet, leaving no worries about being found and identified by nosy people.
Amaka
Clitoral Suction and Stimulation Vibrators:
These are suckers, air-pulse vibrators, or oral sex simulators. They simulate oral sex and evoke the feeling of suction, like in the case of the world-famous rose vibrator, or they may possess silicone “lips,” “tongues,” or “petals” that flick across the clit.
I’ve got a huge collection of adult toys and I have to say that The Rose is my favourite ever. Quieter, longer charge, wider range of vibrations available to try, less expensive.. I could go on and on. Basically if you don’t have this, get it!
Karina
Sex Toy Reviews:
I Tried The Popular Rose Sex Toy, Here’s My Honest Review
Exclusive Interview With “Vero, The Vibrator”
A Practical Guide To Using A Bullet Vibrator
Not a sex toy but- If You Aren’t Having Sex With Lube, You’re Dulling
What Happens After The Big O? 8 Women Talk Post-Sex Aftercare
When it comes to sex, a lot of people believe that foreplay is the beginning and having an orgasm is the end, but that isn’t true. Rarely do we think about what happens after we both cum. And to me, it’s one of the most important aspects of sexual intimacy: aftercare.
The term is well known in the BDSM community and it simply means doing whatever it takes to make your partner feel comfortable, seen and safe after sex. This can look like cleaning each other up, cuddling, watching movies, ordering takeout, discussing things that went well during sex and so on. Sadly, many people have never even heard of sexual aftercare.
In my opinion, taking care of the person you just had a sexual encounter with should be a prerequisite irrespective of what you have going on. Whether it’s a casual fling or you’re in a long-term relationship, aftercare is an essential part of most intimate encounters.
We asked 8 women in our community to share their thoughts on sexual aftercare. Here’s what they had to say:
Zainab, 27
The only time I have ever experienced sexual aftercare was with my ex. He would clean me up with baby wipes after sex, make me tea, roll up a joint for me and then we would cuddle and binge our favourite show. He was really a gentleman but unfortunately, the relationship didn’t work out. The last guy I was with would literally pass out on my body after sex and it was such a turnoff. Most men don’t know what aftercare is and a lot of them aren’t even interested. It’s sad.
Sex and Aging: Navigating Intimacy as an Older Woman
While older women are often deemed undesirable by men, it’s essential to acknowledge that women also contribute to this perception despite being victims of it. The roots of this issue trace back to a societal narrative perpetuated by men, labelling fifteen-year-olds as brides and 26-year-olds as maids. In contemporary times, the trend has shifted, with men in their 40s and beyond actively pursuing relationships with women in their late teens and early twenties, deeming them the ideal women.
Of course, it shows that over time, women started to internalise this. If the entire world called you ugly and not one person said otherwise, wouldn’t you think you were? We adopted this mindset and felt compelled to marry quickly before reaching our mid-20s, as finding a partner became challenging beyond that age. The pressure to have children before turning 30 came from the belief that no man would desire us afterwards and failure to do so would bring shame. This internalised sort of hate for ourselves has hurt way too many women, largely because most of these things are a lie.
Patriarchy was built to oppress. How can we remain oppressed if we know the truth? Radical sex education is one of the ways to empower women, and I stand on that. Older women are far from undesirable; they have enduring sex appeal and are anything but boring or lacking excitement in the bedroom. They are not a compromise or someone to settle for; instead, they exude pure, undiluted magic. The more we younger women in our twenties get this, the more we’re excited about evolving in sync with our sexual needs and desires.
To help bring this movement forward, we spoke with Yeside Olayinka-Agbola, widely known as Olori Coitus, a certified sexual and reproductive health specialist, educator, advocate, intimacy and pleasure expert, and host of the Olori Coitus podcast. She is also a director for TV and film. Yeside clearly wears many fascinating hats and has a diverse range of knowledge, but we were particularly interested in her thoughts on navigating intimacy as an older woman.
As ya’ll know by now, at 21, we support women having multiple orgasms and our publication has various pieces on how you can achieve them! Scroll down to access the link.
If, for some weird reason, you’ve never heard of 21 MAG, allow us to introduce ourselves;
Our mission is to centre the narrative on African women by cultivating content, community and culture for them to learn, grow and thrive. We recognize the significance of shaping women’s portrayal in media and aspire to serve as a platform for exploring questions about identity, aspirations, and personal journeys. From stories on asexuality to navigating life as a blind Nigerian woman, we chronicle Nigerian youth culture through the distinctive perspective of Nigerian women.
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